Mission Statement

Ok hopefully the title of the blog says it all.  Brutally honest.  If you're easily offended then quit reading now. 
In fact go do something else.  Goodbye. 


Still here?  Alright you were warned. 

I watch a lot of movies and unlike most folks my opinion of them lingers.  No biggie except for when it comes up in conversation with someone who hasn't seen the movie and I'm asked about it.  Then I feel this overwhelming need to tell them how good, bad or mediocre it was.  Again no biggie if.....and I repeat.... if.......you actually want to hear my opinion which I'm fairly sure no sane, reasonable person would.  Which brings up another opportunity to tell you once again that this is all brutally honest and nothing that anybody should read.  So please exit out of this and go do something, anything else.  Goodbye.

Still here huh?  Alright be hardheaded but once again you were warned.

In the past movie reviews were pretty much the opinion put forth by a bunch of stuffy, middle aged, wannabes who arrived at that position courtesy of the fact that they were cut from a back up part in the high school play thirty years prior.  They seemingly had no idea of what the masses really wanted to see and it reflected in their reviews.  When I was younger the words "two thumbs up" were synonomous with "a boring piece of shit."  If you really wanted to find out if a movie was worth seeing well then you had to drop the cash on the counter and go see it.  Otherwise you could wait for it to come out on video or wait even longer for it to come out on a pay channel, which back then would have cost you just about as much as going to the theatre and you didn't get the full theatre effect.  I can't count how many movies that I saw that were really good and I felt completely entertained and actually wanted to turn around and go back in and watch it again that were just brutally savaged by the critics.
So for the most part I spent the next umpteen years ignoring the critics and allowing word of mouth to be the determining factor as to whether or not I invested my time and money in watching a movie.  Especially if it involved going to a theatre.  And since that word theatre has come up this seems like an opportune time to once again tell you to stop reading and to go do something else.  Start a new hobby, volunteer for a charity, or plan a bank robbery.  Any of those would be better than reading what I'm about to say. 
Goodbye.






You dumbass.






Movie theatres suck.  Period.

The average ticket price is eight bucks and if you want refreshments be prepared to pay about a three hundred percent markup (in the case of popcorn that number is closer to a thousand percent).  There might as well be a sign on the counter that says:
"EASY FINANCING.  LOW A.P.R.  The first hundred customers get free extra butter."

Then once you're seated you had also better be prepared to be elbow to elbow with some ignorant, loudmouth who smells like cabbage and has no earthly idea that he or she (and it's unlucky companion) are not the only person in the room.  In addition, now that we have this thing called the cell phone be prepared for your elbow partner to have one and for it to ring intermittently.  This will result in your movie watching experience being interupted with conversations that sound like "Hell I don't know if it's raining outside, we're at the movies.  Why don't you just call the damn dog in and see if he's wet?"

That is my honest summation of the "theatre experience."

I do like stadium seating for all of the obvious reasons but it really is in my honest opinion that with modern technnology as advanced as it is, watching a movie in a movie theatre is coarse and excrucitating.  You can invest a fairly small amount of money and get (relatively) the same "experience" at home.  Not to mention at home you have some bonuses. 
To loud?  Turn it down.  Not loud enough?  Turn it up.  Need to take a leak?  Hit pause and go to the bathroom.  Want some refreshments?  Hit pause and pop a bag of popcorn in the microwave.  Some asshole sitting next to you on his cellphone gabbing about a wet canine?  Hit pause and retrieve your favorite firearm.
Try any of that in a theatre.

And speaking of the word modern it is really time you stop reading.  I really hate the word modern when it is applied to certain things.  So please quit looking at this and go to an art gallery, or go to the library, ladies go get your nails done, men go get your.....uh.........tires done.  Whatever it is besides reading this please go do it.
Goodbye.


Apparently you like being called ugly words.  Ok lets wrap this up before my honesty hurts some feelings.



Modern critics.  What a bunch of dysfuctional idiots.  Unlike the critics of old these new guys apparently don't call each other.  In the past if they said it was bad then it was probably pretty good etc but at least they were all on the same page when it came to being wrong.  However with these new guys it all depends on whose article you read but for the most part if it's mediocre it's good and if it's mediocre it's bad.  Good luck hearing the words "great" and "oscar worthy" out of any of them for fear of being wrong and even better luck on hearing the words "don't waste your time with this piece of shit."  My mission is to change that.
I want to review a movie and be able to call it what it is and then back up my opinion with some common sense observations.  If it's good then it's good and here's why etc.  However if it's bad..............etc.

Ratings will be on a five star basis:

☆ Don't waste your time with this piece of shit.  (sound familiar?)
☆☆ Bad
☆☆☆ Mediocre
☆☆☆☆ Good
☆☆☆☆☆ Do whatever is neccesary to see this movie.  If laws have to be broken then so be it.

I hope this will be helpful and informative and while I may not always agree with them based on the word of mouth portion I mentioned earlier your opinions are always welcome.  Just be advised that the words brutal honesty are in the title of the blog.

Thank You.